Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bali, calgary, characters, moving, update
Ok… so there is a lot to catch up on but I am going to attempt to do it within one entry…
The guy from Bangkok that moved to Australia wound up being bogus… thank god I didnt change my plans again for a guy that would have been a giant disappointment. I set up some possible work doing marketing and some other work doing web design which is good but still not holding my breath on anything…
I did a cleanse. Went through a lot of me time, isolation time, once again realized that I dont need that much food to feel sustained and healthy… really realized I over ate a lot in Europe. Lost all the weight that I put on almost. Connected with some crazy wonderful characters that I will write about later, moved a ton, got things set up for my father coming….
My father came, we hung out lots, bounded more, I had a great time, ate lots, gained a few pounds, showed him the island and my friends, introduced him to myself and the culture here, went snorkeling, shopping, traveling around. He got Bali belly for a few days, I moved again, I held a women’s night that consisted of meditation and women bonding… yay!
I have been connecting with a lot more women, I still can’t seem to give myself to any man, I am sleeping now that my father has left a lot, connecting again with Bali, it is raining… there are earth quakes and tsunamis close by and its been giving us monsoon rain which i have been taking advantage of as far as laying in bed, eating, and movie watching…
Things are great… I am coming home to Calgary on the 5th and will be in Vancouver for halloween. I am SUPER nervous of the culture shock but excited to see friends, make money, have stability, and the possibilty of actually dating someone…. oh and not moving! I have a kitchen now which has been spectacular but am looking forward to developing some sort of normalcy. I have started doing artwork again and am excited to continue here and in Canada. Not sure where my future is headed but trust that I am going in the right direction and that that direction is towards success and that I am taking active steps towards that success…. I am apprenticing my father for the next few months with his business and becoming his executive assistant basically. I am very fortunate and excited. I will be moving to Calgary for the first time in over 8 years. nutty.
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Day two today on my cleanse and so far I can say its hard… my emotions are all crazy and all over the place. I guess what else is new lately.lol. I have been searching for possibilities of work and have come up with a lot actually. I met a man named Dean who has turned my world upside down. As well as started a rigerous cleanse. I am really feeling it today and feel almost too weak to type this…I am scared considering this is only day two and I know from before it gets so much worse as the days pass. I feel like crying today but know its just the cleansing process. The heart break in London left me full of Ama that I need to clear out before I can realize my true purpose. Things were so clear yesterday but today my head fills with doubts. Yesterday I had a plan of taking all my connections and co-creating retreats for them with Dean. He is a marketer and I would do the design skills and set-ups. This would allow for us to see eachother and earn some money while doing something that would also benefit other people. So now… I have the people who can/will do the retreats… lots of places to actually hold them but need to find the people. 8-10 per retreat…doesn’t sound like much but I am not sure where to start and really feel like my head is a block today and would be almost no use to talk to some of the people who could guide me. Funny how I chose to do a cleanse at this time in my life…though it was needed for sure. Things are coming across my path that are very confusing but am tryig to just breath and realize that this too is part of my path and that it will work out. It’s the process not the end result so I need to focus on the now and what I am learning/gaining. I am still doing Anthony Robbins but find it slowing down a little. I don’t even know why I chose to write right now…my head is in a funky state and not really a true reflection of my life at the moment. THings I am excited for… there are all the business I want to model here in Bali which means, once I dont feel like I am going to collapse, I have access to asking questions and seeing how they operate etc. , I met Dean (though may have sabotoged that already), Rhianon has offered to show me everything she knows about business as well as support/help me start one up North, there are possibilities of me working in Australia, I got offered a job teaching english in Thailand if all else fails, I am starting to connect and plan as to how to set up these retreats… so I mean lots of really great stuff happening. I have re-connected to some extent with my Balinese family here which is great and my father comes in a few weeks! Whoot whoot. I am excited to have enough energy to show him Bali as well as be able to sample the food with him. ….I am craving junk big time and think at this point would give a finger for the best chocolate bar in the world. Mmmm Day two …shit.
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I got screwed at the border but it was only out of a few dollars. I got word of some stories of being mugged at gun point in Cambodia so I figured…meh why not just not argue and give over the $6 to some guy who is doing up my visa to get into the country. So the first start of the country is that they rip you off. So far I have not been proven wrong. I have spent the days at Angkor wat and the nights catching up on Movies in my room. I dont like it here too much because the people are SUPER aggressive, everything is over priced, and every where you turn someone is trying to haggle money out of you. Ugh. Considering I now have NO money it makes it all that more annoying. Angkor wat is AMAZING and I really wish I had some better photography equipment with me. I have been bicycling to Angkor wat everyday which has been really great. Except today I wound up hitching a ride into town with my bike in the back of a truck becuase the chain fell off. I mean the chain was fucked, pardon my language. The rear gears were all twisted and the chain was screwed. Not sure how that happened and possibly because I attempted to ride the bike even though I heard strange noises for awhile before having to stop. I had to be at the furthest point in all of the surrounding temples though…about 20 km from town. Crazy. And really hsitty but fun anyway. This is what I realized as I rode down a side road in the back of this truck (don’t worry I was more than sure that it was the right road because I had used it the day before) with a group of Cambodian guys and my bike who was being held by one of them … I am getting bored. I couldn’t figure out why at first. I thought it was because I wasn’t in the right place, or that I wasn’t eating the right food, or that I was lonely… I went through all these different things trying to find answers to why I felt like something was missing… but this is it. I am lacking adventure. Or adventure in my terms. Turns out that I am experiencing the whole next best thing syndrom. I have had so many crazy adventures that even daily adventures of seeing amazing things just doesn’t seem enough anymore. It’s like I have become an adrenaline junky but instead its an experience/adventure junky. So how to resolve this… not sure really. Maybe transforming my thoughts about the every day into an adventure… or transforming me getting a job and actually working it/living in one spot as an adventure. I really want to work in Australia but have been checking out prices and possibilities and its not looking good. Sydney really is the sister city of Vancouver, very expensive to live there, hard to get there, and no frigen jobs. Yikes. …I really want to see Dean again though and that is where he is stationed. I am secondly leaning towards working in Thailand since I love the language (would LOVE to become fluent), the people are good and I can get work…as well as it continuing to be an adventure…not to mention I am close to more travel possibilities that I want to do. Calgary… I have a feeling that I will be depressed mostly and I am worried that I wont find a job and even if I do it wont be doing what I want anyway…so instead of being in a hot wonderful foriegn country doing a job that leads no where I will be in cold Calgary away from all the things I love so much…meditation, the food, the cheapness and …bored? But I will be by Family which is a huge bonus… but after spending a week with family will I be ready to come back to Asia? oh god. I got into this again…and this is why I havent slept a good nights rest for over a week. Yikes. Ok I am off to bed. All I want to do is eat myself silly, watch tv, and cuddle in bed. I hate decisions that seem so permanent and definate.
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I will have to add to this later… but basically… I went back to Bangkok. Found that a couple that was super nice that I met before I left were back as well, met some really interesting people about work in Bangkok and volunteering, met a really amazing man named Dean, got free tickets to the Harlom Globe trotters, went to see said Harlom Globe Trotters, spent a lot of time not sleeping and talking with Dean, post poned my trip to go to Cambodia by a day. Umm yeah. Working in Bangkok or Thailand?? Possibility… I could teach english or if I could concentrate long enough then I could apply for some design jobs.. well maybe not concentrate as much as doubt myself.
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I am into my thirrd day of my cleanse now.. or should I say fast. So far it is amazing. I am really shocked at how great I feel and how much more energy I have already and the third day isn’t even over yet. I am already starting to snap out of my melon colly laziness. I leave in a few hours for an amazing beach which I am more than excited for. I have everyrthing packed with even a few extra things incase I wind up going to Cambodia… though I have been contemplating why I am not in Bali… but patience. I want to do Loas and Cambodia at least if not Vietnam as well but it will be a very fast trip. If my energy levels keep improving like they have been the last two days then I should be able to do it with a big ol smile on my face which makes me happy. So things I have learnt from this experience…
I was on a spiritual high and came CRASHING down when leaving my paradise aka southeast asia.
My body really is affected and can’t process bread, cheese, sugar, and yes my beloved chocolate. Damn!
I need very little food to actually feel full compared to what I insist on shoving in my mouth
My tongue swells to show me that my intestines are swelled…followed by stomach pain to prove it
My neurological associations to success are really restricting me at this point in my life
I need art to keep my sanity…not really but I do really miss it.
I love Thailand! I also recently learned that I can teach english in Spain?!…possibly France… to go back or not to go back but if I did I would need a kitchen so I could avoid all that wonderful white bread that tastes like amazing donuts.
…lots of things but need to head out to catch my bus and get some coconuts for the trip… mmm
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I arrived in Bangkok at night after a long plane ride with no sleep. I feel like shit after Europe. My stomach is bloated,o my glads swollen, and I have a caugh. I am staying in Bangkok for a few days to check out a doctor, catch up on this thing and get a plan somewhat figured out. I am doing a coconut fast and so far today I have only had one coconut becuase I am just not hungry for anymore… my poor intestines are too swollen. I have been doing massage and went to the doctor to check out why I havent had a period for five months… they told me what I already knew which is that I am not pregnant and to just wait… frigen $10 for that. I feel a little wacky still and my home sickness is intensifying. I hthink if I were traveling with a friend it would be different but I’m not so I am contemplating coming home with my father in september, working for a few months, saving money and then heading down to Mexico. The more I think about it the more it seems right. But who knows…I am going down south to meditate for awhile. Wanted to catch up briefly. I am feeling lost and still not motivated to do work…. what to do what to do.
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Ok so I came to Bangkok for a few days promising that I would catch on this thing but after not updating it for over two months it came to me that it would be very difficult…mostly because I get bored and then wonder off to catch up on sleep or walk around. So here is a summary of what I did, how I felt and other things from Europe.
England #1- got heart broken. Met Jela and Karl as well as a girl named Lucy. Went and worked/lived at a tantra retreat centre. Interesting experience to say the least and wound up spending time with three amazing women who I swear we were a witch sister hood in another life. Made close friendships. Explored different things and healed a lot of scars physically and emotionally and started to open my heart up again a little. Did a website for him but walked away feeling weird about the whole thing and that the place was set up for alterior motives then just a healing/exploration centre… Stayed in Bath sick for a few days and went to Brighton for a few days.
Italy- Hard to get to and long travels but once at Damanhur discovered an amazing inspiring community. Explored more of my flaky side. Meditated, made some amazing friends, saw visions while meditating in a temple in the moutain. Bought magical jewelry… sculpted, talked with people about amazing ideas specifically with Carlos about his ying yang theory and Albert about his work dealing with memory and retreiving ‘lost’ information… really interesting. Shared a room with a chanel who was a little tortured if you ask me and with a woman who has an organic cafe in Vancouver. Met a soul mate, Carlos. Stay a few extra days there afterwards to explore the energy at the place and explore the connection with Carlos. Left him to go camping in the South of France with relatives I had never met.
South of France – camped with Ine and Jan which was amzing. Lots of rest time, got a tan, walked a long ways and got super super big blisters that crippled me for a few days. Hula hooped for the locals to entertain them as well as held yoga classes for the last few days. Felt loved and wonderful with Jan and Ine. Found out some things about family that I was unaware of such as that my great uncle harry was a little off and claimed to be able to heal people. Ine has an amazing sense of intuition and a few other things…. ummm shit I already maybe forgot. Oh Ine has the same eyes as me and has a giant heart like my father and myself. Farting of course runs in the family. Very funny really. I got a ride back to Holland with a man named Marcel. I think I have written about the other parts after this.